New Year's Resolutions: How To Prove Homer Simpson Wrong

Every year I make these highly unattainable New Year's resolutions and am easily disappointed when I don’t achieve them.

For instance, I've resolved in the past to read at least 25 books a year including numerous biographies and other "important" works of non-fiction, to get back to the weight I was when I was first married, and to cook healthy, tasty meals at least 6 days a week, every week.

I can assure you now that these three things are NOT going to happen. 

I love books and I've started many of them but for some reason, almost all of the books I've been able to finish in the last 7 years involved characters named Katniss, Four, and Christian Grey. My mom reads at least a book a week. My dad was a voracious reader, as well. I play a lot of Candy Crush.  I want to be more of an intellectual however the fact that I can tell you about who almost every celebrity is dating rather than about any recent literary masterpiece tells you a good deal about my reading habits. This is embarrassing but true. 

My body at 29, the year I got married, was pre-child, pre- the formation of birthing hips, and pre- eating a handful of carbs and having them show up immediately on my thighs. I must say I did not appreciate my 29-year-old body nearly enough. It was pretty awesome. Now, I am roughly 2 sizes more than I was then (sometimes more, sometimes less so I round down, wouldn't you?). I've already started out the New Year with bad hip pain (Side note: Nothing makes you feel better than entering the year you turn 40 with hip pain and having to call an orthopedist the day after the new year.) The size 4 jeans at the back of my closet that pre-dated the bell bottom jean revival and skinny jeans, haven’t moved since the beginning of this century. It may be time to give up the dream. 

While I do cook healthy meals a few times a week, later nights filled with activities and admittedly pure laziness on my part ensure that 6 nights a week isn't going to happen. The expansion of to-go food has made quickly feeding my family so easy. I've never been a great planner when it comes to cooking so to go from 3 or 4 nights of cooking to 6 is a big stretch. Also when my husband watches Hell's Kitchen and other Gordon Ramsey cooking shows, instead of inspiring me to become a master chef, I just want to yell "You donkey!" and "It's fucking raw!" and then give him my metaphorical apron or coat never to return to our kitchen again.  

So basically, I was thinking about giving up resolutions this year. But then I decided to do a little research. 

I learned that while goal setting is useful, it’s not helpful when those goals are unrealistic based on previous experience and self-knowledge. 

These statistics from the University of Scranton state that only 8% of those who make New Year’s Resolutions actually achieve them. Now this figure may make you think that Mr. Homer J. Simpson was right when he said “Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.” Apologies to Homer, but I’d like to think it’s still worth it to try and make resolutions stick…… especially if you follow the right parameters.


In terms of New Year resolutions you may begin to think Homer is
one of the brilliant minds of our times.......but he's not

This article from Forbes helps explain how and why those 8% succeed.  To paraphrase the article, the people who prevail keep their lists simple, set tangible goals, make their goals public and obvious, and truly believe they can achieve them.

So my list for this year meets all of the criteria above so that I can prove Homer wrong.

In 2014:

1. I will cook healthy meals at least 4 times a week unless I am on vacation or sick.
2. I will eat chocolate or frozen yogurt no more than twice a week except around Christmas, Easter, Halloween, and Valentine's Day.
3. I will read  (and finish) at least 10 books this year that don’t all fall into the chick lit or young adult category.
4. I will write at least 10 blog posts and they will all be brilliant. (Did I go too far on this one?)

Thanks friends for holding me to this years’ resolutions. Last year, without officially resolving to do so, I ran a total of four 5K races; something I never thought I’d do. That alone helps me believe I can achieve the four things above.