A Little Less Trash Talk, A Little More Kindness Please

Every time I hear a story about kids being bullied to the point of attempting to kill themselves, I get angrier and angrier. How is it in the year 2014 that children are being called gay (as a slur, no less) for liking something that’s not stereotypically for their gender?

What is making children pick on each other so pervasively that it’s leading younger and younger children to contemplate and attempt suicide?

Plenty of people will blame our culture and the marketers who push narrowly-defined gender rules for the clothes, toys, sports, and TV shows that only girls or boys play with.  And while, I don’t disagree that our misguided cultural assumptions continue to play a role in bullying, I think that especially for young children, bullying can also come from how parents treat and talk about others in front of their kids and children mimicking that behavior. 

As parents, we have to set an example of acceptance. We are all different people who have different interests and strengths. Our children learn from us what we consider right or wrong and adopt our beliefs. They listen to our adult conversations intently even when we think they don’t.

I hear moms (much more so than dads) trash talk other parents (and their children) all the time in front of their kids.  I know I’ve even done it myself a few times even if I’d like to think I haven’t. I feel like it’s become a dysfunctional way of bonding to talk about the things we don’t like that other parents do or say. Moms are such a judgmental group, aren’t we? We judge each other beginning with breastfeeding (those that do versus those that don’t or can’t); about pacifier use (“Can you believe so and so is still using a pacifier and they are almost 3!”); about activities (too many versus not enough); about what we feed our kids (organic only versus too much sugar), about bedtimes (“Did you hear that so and so still goes to bed at 7? Or “Can you believe so and so is allowed to stay up to ten?”). We pick on the parents who don’t make it to volunteer activities or field trips. We tear apart other parents discipline style, appearance, and home cleanliness. The amount of words and time wasted on bitching about the things other parents do that we don’t like is freaking exhausting. Is it any wonder that kids make fun of each other? They see us slinging metaphorical arrows at parents all the time.

We’ve all got to get better about showing our children what it means to be - not just tolerant – but accepting and understanding of those who are different than us. We don’t have to like everyone (and neither do our kids) but we should stop being so openly negative and spiteful – especially in front of those little ears that take in everything we say and do and imitate it in their own behavior and words.

I’m going to try to personally do a better job at this. There are definitely things that parents say or do that annoy me and piss me off BUT I’ve got to learn to keep my opinions to myself. I don’t want to help create the next generation of mean girls.

It might not solve the bullying problem but maybe it could help stop at least one kid like Michael Morones from destroying his or her life before it’s even really begun.