The End of Innocence: How Judy Blume Ruined Santa

I know the day would eventually come. As soon as Holly began reading, I figured learning about Santa was just a ticking time bomb.

However, I underestimated how the newest technology and toys: The NORAD Santa Tracker, The Santa PNP, Elf on the Shelf; would actually extend the length of time that children believe in Santa.

As she turned 9, Holly’s belief in Santa and all things mythical was as strong as ever.

And then last night….

Holly and I were reading Superfudge together. She was in the middle of chapter 10, entitled “Santa Who?” I recall loving this book as a child but I had no memory of the specific content.   

Making children laugh and cry for over 35 years

Then Holly read aloud the part when Peter Hatcher tells his mom "I don't think it's a good idea for you to let him (his little brother, Fudge) go on believing in Santa. He thinks you can get whatever you want just by asking."  His mom then admits that "sooner or later he'll have to learn that Santa is just an idea."

Holly’s eyes grew big and watery and she turned to me and said “Mom, Peter isn’t right? There is a Santa, right? Or is it just you and dad that put the presents out on Christmas Eve?”

I froze.

I said, “Santa, is in your heart.”

She replied, “That’s not what I asked.”

I said, “I love Santa.”

She said, “But do you put out the presents?”

I said, “What do you believe?”

She said, “I think Santa is real, but is it really you that puts the presents out?”

I paused and said, “Do you want to know the truth?”

She said, “Yes.”

I said, “Santa isn’t real.”

And then the tears began to flow freely and Holly began the five stages of Santa grief. I immediately called in Jim for reinforcement. I was not going to be responsible (along with Judy Blume) for ruining Holly’s childhood on my own.

Questions:

• “So who has been eating the cookies I put out? You?”
• “Wait, so Santa didn’t bring the Go Pro for Christmas? You did?”
• “How did the presents get to Florida?”
• “My friends who have an Elf on the Shelf. Are you telling me their parents move it?”
• “Do all parents know this and lie to their kids? Does Grandma know? How about the grown-ups at Tai Kwon Do? Even Aunt Val and Uncle Andy know?

Denial:

• “Santa must be real! I saw him once out of my window!”
• “Are you sure you’re not dreaming about putting out the toys?”
• “I hope when I wake up, I’ll forget you told me.”

Anger:

• “Santa was the best part of Christmas and you ruined it!”

Sadness:

Holly asked me to call my mother to tell her that she knew and then asked to be put on the phone with her. The second she got on the phone, Holly burst into tears and spat out through snuffling “Grandma, Santa isn’t real!” My mom must have said that Santa is in your heart because Holly then said “That’s exactly what Mom and Dad said.” It was like hearing it from another adult confirmed it and made it even more real for her breaking her heart into even tinier pieces.

Jim then told Holly the story of how he found out accidently when he was six and he found his gift-wrapped presents in the closet – three months before Christmas (my in-laws are early planners) and opened them all only to be discovered by his parents. This story made her feel a bit better.

Semi-Acceptance:

• "Well, you adults are really good at keeping a secret because I had NO IDEA."

Last night, Holly slept with me, snuggling against me, at first.

When she woke up this morning, her anger had returned along with the realization that maybe other creatures weren’t real as well.

“Are you telling me the Easter Bunny isn’t real either? I thought he lives on Easter Island.”

Me, looking sheepish, “Um. No.”

“I’m mad at you. Thanks for ruining everything. I’m not talking to you for the rest of the day.”

And so the cycle continues. I’m assuming she’ll go back and forth on these stages over the next month or so.

We told her not to tell any other children because she wouldn’t want to ruin it for them and I truly think she’ll be true to her word not to do so.

Goodbye, sweet childhood fantasies. It was nice while it lasted.