Raising the Negotiator - Part Deux

Operation: Make Mom Cave
The Negotiator’s tactics are getting more elaborative the older she gets. She says things like “Mom, if I can wear the dress I want to wear today without shorts underneath, I’ll wear the t-shirt you bought me with shorts tomorrow but only if you also read me three books now (two of which have to princess stories), I can sit in the bath for 5 more minutes tonight and I can drink juice instead of milk with my breakfast.” I gently remind her “Who is the boss?” And she responds “You are, Mom.” And then she’ll continue trying to sway me to change my mind about whatever it is I want her to do. I didn’t realize that in order to be a parent, I should have taken Debate 101. I know not to give in to her demands but it can be an exhausting experience. Why the world hasn’t tapped a child like H to run hostage negotiations yet, I haven’t figured out. She would wear even the staunchest enemy down. Jim and I would prefer to run a democracy rather than a dictatorship, but the kid is forcing us in that direction.


Existential Questions
My daughter is starting to ask profound questions about some of life’s biggest mysteries and toughest issues – death (why do people die, when will I die, where do you go when you die), smoking (If people know it’s bad for them, why do they continue to do it?), religion (If there is a Heaven and why can’t I go there to visit Grandpa?), and Scooby Doo and Shaggy (Why are they always falling into holes and not getting hurt?) Those of you with older children forgot to inform me that 3 is not only the age of discovery and wonder, it’s the age of “Holy crap, how do I respond to this?” queries. On a number of occasions I’ve found myself wishing, I had a digital file in my brain that I can easily access with the “perfect” responses to all these questions. Instead I do what every parent tries to do when faced with them which is:

1. Wing it
2. Hope you’ve been as honest with your children as you can be without making things too scary or complicated for them
3. Pray that they move on to easier topics like how to build a house out of Legos

Seriously though, I am very impressed with H’s penchant for trying to make sense of her world. I need to get over the fact that the kid who was still in diapers less than a year ago is becoming a complex, free thinking human being.

Disney Princesses: You Can’t Escape Them
I wouldn’t necessarily call H a girlie girl. Although she loves dresses, she is currently sporting two skinned knees from jumping, running and wiping out outside. However, there is one area in which she is girlie to the max: Her Disney princess obsession. If you walk into your local Target, you will find that the “girls” are on toys, Pull-Ups/underwear, cups, bikes, books, art supplies, bath mats, fruit snacks – basically every section in the store has some sort of Disney princess tie. My kid LOVES all of it. While newer characters like Teyanna from Princess in the Frog and Belle from Beauty and the Beast aren’t bad as far as role models go, Ariel (her absolute favorite) is one of the biggest offenders. She falls instantly in love with Eric because, well, the dude is dreamy and she gives up her whole undersea life for him. Ugh. Don’t even get me started on Cinderella and Snow White. I’m sure most people would say “Hey now, you have a choice about whether or not you are going to let H read/wear/watch princess stuff and this is true – to a point. (FYI - My line is drawn at the Disney princess make up kit which to me is getting into child pageant icky territory.) However, her friends also are obsessed with these things and H absolutely ADORES reading/watching/wearing them. What I’ve tried to do is balance the princess phenomenon with gender non-specific books, toys, games and movies. You have to pick your battles and I feel like sheltering Holly from Disney princesses is a battle I’d lose and not really worth fighting. Besides, my mom turned a blind and deaf ear to my Annie obsession as a kid, it’s the least I can do for H.