Out of the Mouth of Babe

Kids say the darndest things as Bill Cosby and others before him showed us. And now my daughter is adding to the pantheon of great kid quotes. I've compiled a few of my recent faves along with the sarcastic thoughts that ran through my mind - after I stopped laughing.

H: (said with a pouty face): "I told Daddy that princesses say excuse me after they gas but Daddy told me that princesses don't gas at all."

My sarcastic thought: Ah, Daddy. Unknowingly setting H upon the quest for unattainable perfection later in life in the form of misguided humor.

H: "I want to be a hair braider when I grow up. I just want to brush hair and fix it. Not a hairdresser just a braider. That's all. Nothing else." 

My sarcastic thought: Glad the kid has high occupational aspirations. On the bright side, we will be able to visit her in Cancun where she will have regular clientele like Spring Breakers......

H: "Purple and pink used to be my favorite colors but now I like green and black and brown best." 

My sarcastic thought: Jim and I may have created the first 3-year-old goth.

H: "Mommy, why doesn't Santa wake kids up when he says Ho Ho Ho when he brings us presents? His Ho Ho Ho is very loud."

My sarcastic thought: This kid is way too smart for her own good. Why do we lie to kids about his existence again? Oh yeah, to get them to behave. (Kidding. Kind of. Seriously though off topic of this post, does anyone else feel a little bad about this? Maybe I'm the only one. I spend so much time convincing her that the things she sees in books and on TV like magic and ghosts and talking animals aren't real when she's scared or has questions about them. Santa is a totally conflicting message. I always loved Santa and want her to have that wonder and joy that I guess only comes from believing in him but it doesn't change the fact that I'm lying to her. Sigh. Back to the post.)

H: (after catching a fish with her Barbie fishing pole): "Daddy, next I want to catch a girl fish." When asked how she'll be able to tell it's a girl fish she said as if it was the most obvious thing on earth, "Because it will have eyelashes, Daddy."

My sarcastic thought: Disney - confusing children about animal gender identification since 1938.

H: (after tasting whipped cream for the first time): "This tastes just like sprinkles!"

My sarcastic thought: None. I thought it was super cute and accurate:)