She’s able to run a conference call for work, cook an organic dinner made from scratch and change diapers in a single bound. She makes time for romantic getaways with her husband, always has the perfect kid’s birthday party gift on hand, and her house is neat and tidy at all times. The Super Mom – who many of us believe we should be but aren’t, can leave us feeling less than wonderful about ourselves on a daily basis. The ironic thing is that she doesn’t really exist. We just think she does.
While there are wonderful aspects to social media tools like blogs, Facebook, and Flickr that many moms use, there is a detrimental side as well. These tools allow us to stay in touch with friends that we otherwise wouldn’t have time to see or talk to. They are convenient for sharing information such as the best toys and books for kids, recipes, etc. and they can help us make friends we never would have met otherwise who have shared passions and face similar challenges.
The problem I see in relation to the Super Mom myth is that people (especially on Facebook) often present unrealistic versions of their lives allowing those going through difficult times to feel inadequate. These folks share only the photos that show them in their best light, they tell only the stories about how their wonderful husbands made them breakfast in bed or that their daughter’s school declared her gifted. They tend not to talk about how their son has been diagnosed with ADD or how they’ve gained ten pounds since they caught their husband texting another women. This idealistic version of their lives that many people create can make others turn green with envy and feel self-doubt about their own lives and struggles. The fact is that no one’s life is perfect. Everyone has ups and downs and bad hair days and sometimes viewing someone else’s exotic retouched vacation photos isn’t the best way to remind us of that. I have to consciously tell myself this when I’ve accidently burned a sheet of cookies or forgotten it was Show and Share day at H’s school.
Another issue is that with the invention of Facebook, chat rooms, comment sections and blogs, everyone is allowed to express an opinion in an open forum. The positive side of this is that people who felt that they were alone in liking a particular hobby or facing a certain problem can find a community of people like them. Fan of the movie The Goonies? Connect with others who are just as passionate about Chunk and the gang here. Want to be criticized for how you are choosing to parent your kids? Unfortunately, there’s plenty of places for that, too. Many people who post on online chats and comment boards - under the protection of anonymity - often express nasty, judgmental opinions because a woman doesn't meet their definition of Super Mom.
There’s a woman named Lenore Skenazy who has gained a lot of attention with her Free Range Kids blog and book. She believes that children should be allowed more freedom and less hovering and she believes our fear of the What Ifs stops us from allowing our children to become independent beings. While, I may not agree with everything she has to say, I feel she brings a fresh perspective to the parenting discussion and I would never think to tell her she’s wrong for parenting her son in the manner she has chosen to do so. However, she has many detractors who vocally question her and call her names. She was also dubbed America’s Worst Mom by the media and bloggers alike.
Why do so many of us feel we need to attack other moms for doing things differently than we do? Why can’t more of us champion each others’ uniqueness and allow for multiple beliefs about parenting to exist without needing to feel superior or to be right. Lenore welcomes her critics to post comments on her website in a section called For or Against and even if you don’t agree with her views, you have to admire her recognition that conflicting opinions exist and that we as a society should discuss the issues intelligently instead of merely attacking each other for doing things differently.
I say let’s try to use social media for good:
I say let’s try to use social media for good:
-to inform each other
-to support each other
-and to listen to each other
Maybe we’ll learn that we all have more in common than we think. We’re all trying to do the best we can to keep our children happy, safe and healthy. And none of us is Super Mom.
Amen, sister!! Life is tough, and no one can fairly judge our decisions from the outside. I love Lenore's view of parenthood, but it's not for everyone...or every child for that matter. The myth of the SuperMom is purely our fantasy of being perfect at everything all the time. I promise you, I'm certainly not (as you know!), and I try hard not to hold others to that unattainable standard. Hope nothing specific happened to push this to the fore. I'm flying solo this and next week. Miss you tons....
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