Let It Go, Let It Go

Sorry. I know that title might have scared you into thinking this was going to be about Frozen, Elsa or that ear worm that your children just won't stop singing, Let it Go. I promise it's not. You can keep reading. 

We the people of the early 21^st century LOVE to make lists. From the Top 10 Ways to Freak Out Your Coworkers to the 24 Greatest Things That Could Possibly Happen to You, lists are ubiquitous especially on the internet.  Internet lists often contain easily digestible nuggets of advice or inspiration and often amusing GIFs of bachelor contestants crying, cats being grumpy, or men getting hit in the nuts. America’s Funniest Home Video was way ahead of its time, but I digress.   

As I'm about to embark on a new decade, I thought about creating my own “Top 10 Things I Learned in My 30s” list but it's been done a zillion times before and beyond “Expect the Unexpected” and “Always Get an Epidural,” I wasn't sure if I had have enough wisdom to share to make a top 10 list. Also, who the hell wants to see an epidural GIF?

Instead I decided to focus on the one most important thing I learned in the previous decade and wanted to share with you: You must, right now, learn to let go of embarrassment due to fear of being judged in a negative way and own your choices. 

Do you still love Dungeons and Dragons? Own it. Do you spend your free time reading Ok! magazine instead of the latest literary masterpiece? Rock on, sister friend if that's what floats your boat. Do you make breakfast for dinner because you don't want to cook more times than you can count? It is okay. You are okay. Stop apologizing for your choices. 

My friend's 2 1/2 year old son likes to get naked. Often. Sometimes in the comfort of his own home. Often in public places. He likes to strip down to his birthday suit, run around, and let it all - literally -  hang out with an obvious sense of great joy and freedom. 

When do kids transition from having that kind of "I am who I am" confidence to adults terrified of embarrassment and judgement? 

Leave the embarrassment behind....

I remember a particular moment from my childhood that stands out when embarrassment won out. It's a story I never told anyone til this day. 

Picture it: Fall 1984, right before the Mondale/Reagan election. Puffy winter vests were in as was sticker collecting (in my neighborhood, anyway.) Frankie Goes to Hollywood told the world to Relax, Don't Do it. I asked my dad what a virgin was since Madonna was constantly singing about it.....just setting the scene here.  

Anyway, my 5th grade teacher Miss Dell, held a mock presidential election in class. We all wrote down who we wanted to win on a piece of paper and after the real election (which I believe took place a couple of weeks later), she read the results. My parents were fairly liberal and vocal of their dislike of Reagan at the time. My town, however, was largely Republican. Before we wrote down who we wanted to win, a few of us girls talked about how cool it would be to have Geraldine Ferraro (Mondale's running mate) as the first female vice president, including my teacher who also voted. So when I wrote down Mondale/Ferraro on my piece of paper, I was pretty sure that others did, too. 

Well, a couple of weeks later after Mondale got slaughtered in the real election, Miss Dell read the classroom results out loud. Only one person in the class voted for Mondale/Ferraro. No one (read: Me) would say that they were the one person who voted for Mondale, so everyone assumed that John Petrovich did. John Petrovich was a boy in the class who had moved during those few weeks. I let everyone believe that he voted for Mondale. 

My mom spoke to Miss Dell at my parent/teacher conference and my Mom said when Miss Dell mentioned to her the class voting results, my mom was surprised that I didn't vote for Mondale. I lied to her, too and said that I liked Reagan better. 

I was ashamed about lying and not standing up for myself. I also realized why it's a good thing that 5th graders can't vote for real. Ten-year-old children are way too easily influenced by the popular choice and likely to be sheep following the flock. 

I've had other Mondale/Ferraro-esque moments in my life. But I'd say in the past five years in particular, they've almost completely stopped.  Recently, when another mother in my social circle disdainfully commented to me "You let your daughter watch TV on Saturday mornings? Mine have to earn TV time." For a hot second, I was about to make excuses, but then I just said "Yes, I do. Sometimes I like to sleep in a little more on Saturday mornings and if TV buys me some time, so be it.

Life is too short not to stand up for our choices even if they aren't popular and it's too short to make excuses for things that don't warrant excuses. 

And next time, if your kid is the naked 2 1/2 year old running around and holding his junk, simply laugh. Those times fly by way too fast.