Life Lessons From Dad

I've been having a bit of an identity crisis lately. It all started a couple of months ago.  

I found an email that my dad dictated to my mom while in hospice six years ago. At the time, I was about to start a new job and he wanted to impart to me all of his personal and career life lessons and wisdom before he left this world. I couldn't really read it at the time. I was too sad and wrapped up in the fact that my "number one fan" (his words) was leaving me. Fast forward to a few months ago, and I rediscovered the email. I read and reread it carefully.

The list he compiled is below and contains these wise guiding principles:

1. Maintain a positive attitude through the assumption of a negative result.
2. Remember Winston Churchill’s key to success – “Never hesitate to take a leak” particularly when you are under pressure.
3. Have passion in your life – find things that you love to do.
4. Balance is critical to happiness, self-esteem and success in life.
5. Have specific short term and long term goals (must have, must avoid). 
6. Do what you enjoy doing and what you are good at. Find people to delegate things to that you do not like to do or you do not have time to do.
7. Become an expert in a specific niche. Be sought out for your knowledge or expertise.
8. Remember white is white, black is black and grey is grey. Remain white as the snow!
9. Ask questions. (Questions are the answer if you do not know the answer)
10. Do not be afraid to say that you made a mistake.
11. Be proactive in your thinking, planning and action.
12. Stay away from heavy maintenance people. 
13. Remain loyal to your goals, the truth and the people that you trust. 
14. Excellent communication with everyone is an art form. First listen and seek to understand, then speak and/or write to be understood.
15. Learn how to say no.
16. Strive to achieve balance in all of your roles (professional, family, friends, doing what you love to do, impacting the world)
17. Develop time management discipline and balance to include all of your important roles and physical, emotional and spiritual needs by making a prioritized list by for each role.
18. Know your strengths and weaknesses. Self-awareness empowers you to build integrity by being deeply personally honest and true to yourself. 
19. Smile, keep eye contact and show genuine personal warmth.
20. Accentuate the positive.
21. No matter how bad things may seem at a particular moment in time, several months or even several days later you will find yourself in a totally different place.
22. Nobody ever said on their death bed “I wish I spent more time at the office."
23. Live, love, learn and leave a legacy. Make an impact on the lives of others.
24. Happiness is in the pursuit of excellence in all that you do.
25. Be a team player. Seek and define win/win relationships with everyone inside the company  and within your industry. Create interdependence and synergy. No victims if possible.
26. Understand each person’s motivations, emotions, passions, fears, comfort levels and  how they think (What sentences are they really saying and what body language.
27. Expect that change will happen all of the time. Think and plan for the future accordingly.
28. Recognize that people lie, exaggerate a/or screw up a lot of the time. Don’t assume. Confirm.
29. Beware of bullies and very self-centered people. Never trust them and stay away from them unless you have very good news for them.
30. Seek out a relationship with as many mentors as you can find.
31. Seek out one rabbi – a person that will want to take you with them.
32. Forgive your enemies, but never forget them.
33. Be careful about others becoming envious. Include and acknowledge others in your successes.
34. Know who to trust.
35. Get a reputation as an out of the box thinker but not a maverick.
36. If you have a problem with someone, do not let the problem fester.
37. Sometimes friends can hurt you more than your enemies.
38. Understand the point of view of others.
39. Leadership is having a vision, then defining a clear path and recruiting the right people with complementary skills to make your vision a reality.
40. Be a 100 percenter. Always do what you say you are going to do.
41. Creativity provides freedom.

Those who knew my dad are aware that this list sums him up to a tee.  He was full of heart, humor, passion, intelligence and warmth. My dad really LIVED and did his best to abide by all of these principles.

While I've inherited his heart and humor, I've struggled to figure out what I'm most passionate about - especially in my career.

I'm the girl who waited until the very end of my sophomore year to pick my major, eventually settling on Interpersonal/Organizational Communications, though I could just have easily committed to Psychology, Education, or Journalism. 

Klout, a website designed to help you measure your social media influence, asks on its home page: "What do you want to be known for?" As I read that question, my mind went blank and my palms sweaty. "What do you want to be known for? Holy loaded question, Batman.

Hell, I named my blog From the Mixed Up Files of Ms. Laura J Porter partly because of my favorite childhood book and partly because I didn't want to be "a mom blogger" or a "a communications blogger" or "a humor blogger." I wanted to be a bit of everything. I'm a little bit country AND a little bit rock and roll. A feminist and a lover of booty songs. A wife, a friend, a mother, a daughter, an athlete, a writer, a karaoke singer etc.
 
That said, two famous quotes ran through my brain after I reread my dad's email. "A jack of all trades is a master of none" and "Stand for something or you'll fall for anything."
 
I realized that while it's okay to have many interests, it IS important to find a few select things to "be known for" or one risks remaining unfocused at best and detached at worst. 

So I'm taking a page from my dad and writing down here and now what I’m passionate about and want to be known for:

Mental Health Advocacy:

As someone who has struggled in the past with depression and even more so with anxiety, I have such a huge appreciation for mental health professionals. I want to help erase the stigma attached to mental illness. After struggling silently while going through it initially, I know that being vocal about my personal struggles and letting others know they aren't crazy or alone is important to me.

A Strong Interest in Education/Teaching:

As a former preschool teacher who got half way through earning a Master's degree in Elementary Education and a current parent to a seven-year-old, I love reading and learning about innovations in education, great teachers, how to improve failing systems, training methods, etc.

 

Pop Culture Fanaticism:

Here's a tiny sample of the pop culture things I'm obsessed with:

• Tim Gunn
• Late 1980s/Early 1990s hip hop
• Calvin and Hobbes
• Bill Simmons’  (aka The Sports Guy) Mail Bags
• Strong, funny comediennes (Tina Fey, Amy Poehler, Amy Schumer)
• Entertainment Weekly Magazine
• Carolyn Hax’s advice columns
• Candy Crush
• Award shows
• Parks and Recreation
• Morgan Spurlock
• The Sure Thing (Movie)
• Dave Barry
• Key and Peele
• Karaoke 

Writing 

Blog posts, song lyrics, and random thoughts hit me at all times and all places and I feel compelled to write them down. I LOVE to write.

Love For Family and Friends
It may not be measurable by Klout and it may not help me in my career but most importantly, I want to be known for being loyal, kind, and dedicated to my friends and family. My daughter, husband, friends and extended family mean everything to me.

What do you think of my dad’s list and what do you want to be known for?