Marriage - A Like Story

In August 1998, my husband, Jim and I went on our first date at Carpool in Arlington. The week prior, we’d hung out with mutual friends and found that we were both drawn to each other. Yes, I was smitten with his yellowy-green eyes and olive skin, but even more captivating to me, was that during that first week, we would talk for hours without running out of things to say.  There was an immediate comfort level there that I had never experienced with anyone previously. During that first date, he jokingly called me his dream girl after he realized I liked professional football. 

Five years later, he had the words "Always my Dream Girl" engraved in my wedding ring. In the 11 years (tomorrow) since our wedding, I’m sure that there are times I have still been “dreamy” to him, but I know there are plenty of other times I've just been “his girl.” And that’s okay. Actually, it’s more than okay. It’s real. 

Yes, Jim and I love each other, but more importantly we like each other. Most romantic movies focus on the falling-in-love part of a relationship. Few focus on what comes next. “And they lived happily ever after” may be a neat and tidy way to tie up a feel-good movie, however life is not a fairytale.

Having a partner to weather the storms  with - from kid tantrums to the loss of a parent – is what really matters over the long haul. While he and I have certainly enjoyed "montage-scene-in-romantic-movie" type activities like picnicking, kissing in the rain, and taking long walks on the beach, these have only made up roughly 5% of our marriage. The other stuff is so much more prevalent – the other stuff being not even inherently bad, so much as monotonous, at times mind-numbing, and often necessary.

Over the past eleven years, we paid bills together, sat in hours of traffic, and remortgaged our house. We kissed Holly's boo-boos, mended her hurt feelings, and cleaned up throw up. Unsurprisingly, we don't typically share those moments on Facebook or Instagram. While we also explored Scotland, jet skied in Hawaii, sunbathed in Barbados, and relaxed in Bermuda, we conversely had multiple visits to the ER, spent hours sitting by my dad’s side in hospice care, and endured sleepless nights together due to Holly’s  teething, my anxiety, and just general insomnia. 

We are a unified team - two people living and working together toward a common goal; a comfortable and satisfying future, a happy present, and the creation of shared memories of a life well-lived.

Love is great. It can be passionate and sweet and unnerving. Like is underrated. 

I continue to like Jim even when he drives me crazy due to the usual transgressions of leaving his clothes lying around and forgetting to put on a new roll of toilet paper.

The reality is that I know that Jim always has my back. He makes me laugh often and continues to like ME in good times and in bad. He gives me great advice and knows me better than I know myself. In my mind, the sexiest thing that he said to me recently was that we should start researching a car for us to buy my mom so that we are prepared once her current one needs to be replaced. My family, you see, is his family. That, to me, is dreamy.

Happy 11th wedding anniversary, Jim. 

I really and truly, like you.