Dear H,
Congratulations, you made it through elementary school!
Although there were some tears (mostly mine), and early challenges (your
kindergarten teacher said you had an attitude problem, then retired a year
later – about 20 years too late, in my opinion), you’ve grown into a bright,
funny, kind, and introspective 11-year-old tween girl.
You’ve left behind your small nurturing elementary school
pond to enter the larger lake (swamp?) that is middle school. I know you are
worried; that your friendships will change or end as some of you head off to
different schools, you won’t know where to go or how to adjust to the new
schedule and routine, the work will be too hard, and you won’t be able to keep
up, and puberty will hit you and you won’t know how to handle it.
I’m here to let you know that it will all be okay. You’ll
adjust much more quickly than you think you will to the new school and routine,
and if I know you as well as I think I do, you’ll be reminding others what to
do and where to go within weeks of starting school.
Friendships WILL change, and while you may think this is
scary, you need to view it as an opportunity to meet more friends who are like
you ─ quirky, independent-thinkers with big hearts and goofy senses of humor.
It might take a while to find your crew. God knows, I dealt with my share of
frenemies and mean girls back in the day before finding mine. Just trust your instincts about
people and while some may let you down, others will surprise you. Give them a
chance to get through your tough self-preservation shield and see the amazing
girl that I know and adore.
You are smart and while there are always going to be kids
who are better at certain subjects than you, you’ll figure out your own
strengths and interests in due time. All I ask of you is to try your best, be
open to new experiences, don’t give up or get frustrated as soon as things get
hard. Know that things WILL get hard and sometimes you’ll succeed despite the
challenges you face, and other times you won’t. Use those failures as
opportunities to learn and grow. Steve Jobs, the founder of Apple and creator
of the iPhone you so desperately want but won't get until you are older per our
rules, was kicked out of his own company at one point before staging the most
amazing comeback! And his business rival Bill Gates of Microsoft has said this:
“It's fine to celebrate success, but it is more important to heed the lessons
of failure." While failure feels crappy in the moment, those experiences make
success feel that much sweeter.
You might feel self-conscious and embarrassed as you
navigate these next few years trying to figure out who you are, where you fit
in, and who you want to become. Just know that nearly EVERYONE feels that way.
These years are called the awkward years because they ARE awkward; filled with
pimples, changing bodies, uncertainty, and crushes.
I know you don’t believe it right now since you still think
boys have cooties, but one of these days you’ll find yourself thinking about
them (or possibly girls ─ your dad and I will support you whichever way your
heart and hormones lead you) in a whole new light. Now if not reciprocated, and
very often at least in my experience they are not, crushes can hurt. As one of
my favorite fictional fathers from Sixteen Candles says, “That’s why they call
them crushes. If they were easy, they’d call ’em something else.” Just know
that time really does heal a broken heart and most of the objects of your
affection aren’t going to be worthy of your time and energy. Sometimes it takes
years to realize this, but I hope you’re able to understand it sooner.
Finally, remember that your dad and I are here to listen and
guide you when you need advice or support. Please talk to us and don’t hold it all
in. I promise that we won’t judge you for your feelings....or your mistakes. We probably made them,
too. Note that we won’t fix your problems for you ─ as you grow older it’s our
job to give you the tools to solve problems yourself ─ but we plan to be around
to catch you if you need a safety net, now and then.
Love you forever, my sweet girl.
Mom
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