Darlin' Do Not Fear

During his first inaugural address, Franklin Delano Roosevelt told the country “The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.” Well, apologies to the former president but that’s not exactly true. I mean zombies are pretty creepy.  And these hairstyles would scare anyone.  

Truly, fear doesn’t always deserve the bad rap it gets. In certain situations, fear helps keep us safe. It can keep us from making stupid decisions like this. The problem with fear is when we let it interfere with our lives to the point that we don’t take any risks. Fears become irrational when we let them spiral out of control. And when our fears become paralyzing, they can lead us to a miserable existence.

The Obvious Example

Good: The fear of getting hit by a bus stops us from crossing the street into traffic.

Bad: When the fear of getting hit by a bus leads us to avoid crossing the street altogether and eventually from even leaving the house.

The After School Special from Hell Example

Good: Fear of becoming an addict keeps us from imbibing too many legal and illegal substances. This is especially true when we watch an episode of Intervention and we realize “in no way in hell do I want to end up like her. “

Bad: When we become afraid to eat/drink/wear anything because of the 5 o’clock local news’ warnings such as “Could your milk be slowly killing you? Find out on news channel 7 live at 5.” 

The Conscientious Reminders

Good: Fear of heart problems and cavities leads us to eat our green vegetables and brush our teeth regularly.

Bad: When we avoid doctors/dentists visits completely because we are afraid of both the diagnosis and treatments for rotting teeth and heart issues.

Good: Fear of the harmful effects of global warming moves us to take positive actions such as recycle, reduce our waste and turn off our lights to conserve energy

Bad: When we become so consumed with the potential apocalypse like these people, we start hoarding water and creating bomb shelters instead of living our lives to the fullest. 

Then Again, Maybe I Won’t

When fear takes hold of our decision making, it can lead to a lot of missed opportunities.

It can stop us from going after a job that may have been perfect for us but out of our comfort zone. Fear of the “what ifs” can grow quickly like weeds and spread like wildfires. “If I lose my job, then I won’t be able to find another one, then my husband will be unhappy with me, then he’ll want to leave me, then I’ll be out on the street, and on and on……”

Fear can stop us from living in the present. If we’ve experienced something painful like a death in the family or a broken heart, we may continue to beat ourselves up for not having helped the person we lost seek treatment early enough or decide it’s not worth getting into a relationship again. It can keep others from leaving unhealthy relationships because they are afraid of being alone.

One of my favorite movies regarding the issue of fear is “Defending Your Life. “Albert Brooks character, Daniel Miller, dies within the first few minutes of the film and finds himself in a purgatory-type place called Judgment City where he discovers that in order to move on to the next phase of the afterlife, he must prove in front of two judges that he was able to conquer his fears by the end of his life. If he doesn’t win his case, he will have to be reincarnated on Earth to live life as a new person. Daniel is like most of us – flawed. His life on Earth, as we see it in flashbacks, was full of brave moments and others full of fear, confusion and embarrassment. Meryl Streep plays his love interest; a woman who lived an extremely courageous existence.

There’s a lot I love about this movie. I think the concept is unique and executed perfectly. I love the script, written by Brooks and how funny it is seeing his (and really our) insecurities played out in flashbacks. I don’t know about you, dear reader, but I would not want to relive some of the poor and the downright embarrassing choices I made in the past.

In fact, I think the fear of embarrassing ourselves is what many of us fear the most. This is why the fear of public speaking, of crowds and of failure consistently ranks as three of our populations’ top fears. While I’m much more comfortable in my own skin now than I was in my teens and twenties, I’m not sure any of us completely outgrow all of our self-doubts.

“Music speaks what cannot be expressed, soothes the mind and gives it rest, heals the heart and makes it whole, flows from heaven to the soul.” – Anonymous

When I was a freshman in college, I had my heart dented by a guy I was seeing who lived down the hall. After admitting our feelings for each other one evening, the guy told me that our getting together was like “When Harry Met Sally.” (Only to an 18-year-old male does being friends for a few months before hooking up equate to the Billy Crystal/Meg Ryan classic pairing that takes place over years, but I digress.) I thought he was going to be my first serious great love. Instead he dropped me two weeks later for a cute blond he met while I was away for the weekend. I was miserable, humiliated and afraid of having to face him on a daily basis for the remainder of the school year. A girl down the dorm who I didn’t know very well heard me blasting REO Speedwagon’s song “Take It on the Run” (yes, I was that pathetic) and found me crying in my dorm room. She introduced me to a much healthier song in which to channel my feelings: “100 Years” by Blues Traveler. I’m not sure of the exact meaning of the song but what I got out of it was that whatever crap you were experiencing in the moment won’t mean a thing later in life so stop dwelling on it and get past it. That song still inspires me to move on whenever I make an ass out of myself or am just feeling down. 

Here’s a list of my other favorite songs to help me get over my fears and lift me up when I need it:

“Better Things” by The Kinks. The first concert my parents took me to was The Kinks. I was 11 and we were on a family vacation. I’m positive my parents had no idea how cool a move this was.  Sometimes you just want to hear someone else say “I hope tomorrow you find better things.”

“Darling Do Not Fear” by Brett Dennen. I only discovered this gem a year or two ago. I love his voice and his lyrics are fantastic. Paul on American idol is a pale imitation of Brett Dennen.

“Don’t Fear the Reaper” - by Blue Oyster Cult. This song is about accepting an unknown future not about suicide as many wrongly believe. It’s beautiful. It always makes me think about driving through Connecticut in the fall. The only thing missing is that it needs More Cowbell……

“F----n’ Perfect”- Pink. I kind of love her. She continues to spin out addictive pop songs with messages about self-love and self-respect. And she’s got a great voice to boot.

“Let it Be” by The Beatles. It’s just perfect.  It’s about having faith that things will be okay even if it doesn’t seem like it.

“Already Gone” – The Eagles. Favorite line from this song “So often times it happens, that we live our lives in chains, and we never even know we have the key.”

“Ain’t Nothing Gonna Break My Stride” - Matthew Wilder. The cheese factor in this video from this artist's performance on Solid Gold is off the charts. Wilder looks like a mix between 80s-era Robin Williams and the curly haired dude from Perfect Strangers. He has an awesome ‘stache and the Solid Gold dancers are in rare form. Still, the song makes me happy every time I hear it.

What are some of your favorite songs to help you get over your anxiety and pick you up when you are down?